Sheila Heen of The Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge | Brought to you by LinkedIn Jobs recruitment platform with 750M users (https://LinkedIn.com/Tim), Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover sleeping solution for dynamic cooling and heating (https://EightSleep.com/Tim), and Public Goods high-quality everyday essentials (https://PublicGoods.com/Tim). More on all three below. Sheila Heen is a New York Times best-selling author, founder of Triad Consulting Group, and a deputy director of the Harvard Negotiation Project at Harvard Law School, where she has been a member of the faculty for 25 years. She often works with executive teams, helping them to resolve conflict, repair professional relationships, and make sound decisions together. In the public sector, she has provided training for the New England Organ Bank, the Singapore Supreme Court, the Obama White House, and theologians struggling with disagreement over the nature of truth and God. Sheila is co-author of the New York Times bestsellers Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most and Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (even when it’s off base, unfair, poorly delivered and, frankly, you’re not in the mood). She has written for the Harvard Business Review and the New York Times, and she has appeared on NPR, Fox News, and shows as diverse as Oprah and The G. Gordon Liddy Show. She has spoken at the Global Leadership Summit, the Nordic Business Forum, the Smithsonian, Apple, Google, and Microsoft. Please enjoy! This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn Jobs. Whether you are looking to hire now for a critical role or thinking about needs that you may have in the future, LinkedIn Jobs can help. LinkedIn screens candidates for the hard and soft skills you’re looking for and puts your job in front of candidates looking for job opportunities that match what you have to offer. Using LinkedIn’s active community of more than 750 million professionals worldwide, LinkedIn Jobs can help you find and hire the right person faster. And now, you can post a job for free. Just visit https://LinkedIn.com/Tim. This episode is brought to you by Eight Sleep! Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover is the easiest and fastest way to sleep at the perfect temperature. Simply add the Pod Pro Cover to your current mattress and start sleeping as cool as 55°F or as hot as 110°F. It also splits your bed in half, so your partner can choose a totally different temperature. And now, my dear listeners—that’s you—can get $250 off the Pod Pro Cover. Simply go to https://EightSleep.com/Tim or use code TIM. About Tim Ferriss: Tim Ferriss is one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and an early-stage tech investor/advisor in Uber, Facebook, Twitter, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ other companies. He is also the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers: The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, The 4-Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. The Observer and other media have named him “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, which has exceeded 500 million downloads and been selected for “Best of Apple Podcasts” three years running. Connect with Tim Ferriss: Sign up for "5-Bullet Friday" (Tim's free weekly email newsletter): https://go.tim.blog/5-bullet-friday-yt/ Visit the Tim Ferriss PODCAST: https://tim.blog/podcast/ Visit the Tim Ferriss BLOG: https://tim.blog/ Follow Tim Ferriss on TWITTER: https://twitter.com/tferriss/ Follow Tim Ferriss on INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/timferriss/ [00:00] Start Who was Roger Fisher? [02:39] How Sheila got into negotiation and conflict resolution [05:16] A tense moment in an elevator leads to her contribution to Difficult Conversations [07:36] The three categories of difficult conversations [12:36] What to do in a conversation when things don't go as planned [22:01] The role of curiosity [25:17] The importance of seeing things from someone's perspective [33:22] How to understand where the other is coming from [39:04] What is a statement against interest, and how can it be used? [42:40] Good apology vs. bad apology [45:30] Rewriting the scripts for bad apologies [54:32] What does it mean to “give voice to the parts?” [1:11:59] What are first, second, and third position skills? [1:14:11] Behavioral expectations [1:19:03] Obstacles as shared problems [1:26:08] Blame-absorbers versus blame-shifters [1:28:05] Do you see yourself as hero, villain, or victim? [1:32:33] Parting thoughts [1:41:24] Additional post-game thoughts from Sheila about the question that plays like background music to many difficult conversations, how to avoid making every difficult conversation a spring cleaning when your relationship simply needs some light spot-dusting, and a 60-day experiment. [1:44:49]