Ready to begin or deepen your meditation practice? Join Dan Harris and world-class meditation teachers on the 10% with Dan Harris app here: https://app.danharris.com/membership What if monks — people who live in close quarters with strangers they didn't choose, follow hundreds of rules, and have no phone to retreat to — have actually figured out something the rest of us haven't about how to get along with people? Ajahn Kovilo and Ajahn Nisabho are Theravada Buddhist monks and teachers at Clear Mountain Monastery in Seattle. They trained in the Ajahn Chah lineage in Thailand, a tradition known for its emphasis on community, simplicity, and rigorous practice. In this conversation, they share: -The ancient confession practice (āvikaroti, or "opening") that monks do every two weeks — and how to adapt it for your own relationships - The Buddha's checklist for giving feedback skillfully — including the BAGEL acronym (Beneficial, Accurate, Gentle, Expedient, Loving-kindness) - What makes someone easy to speak to — and the 16 ways the Buddha said we make ourselves hard to speak to - How to receive criticism without counter-attacking, changing the subject, or vibrating with anger - A three-part framework for navigating troubled times: sila (virtue), samadhi (concentration), and panya (wisdom) - The Saraniya practice of giving before consuming — and why it's one of the most powerful antidotes to despair about the state of the world - What Buddhist "faith" actually means — and why it has nothing to do with blind belief Subscribe to watch more 10% Happier videos: https://www.youtube.com/tenpercenthappier Follow Dan Harris on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/danharris/ https://www.tiktok.com/@danbharris https://www.facebook.com/DanHarrisABC https://twitter.com/danbharris https://www.linkedin.com/in/dan-harris-91ba5716b/ Timestamps: 0:00:00 Introduction: monk hacks 0:01:00 How Ajahn Kovilo became a monk (via a free Goenka retreat) 0:03:30 How Ajahn Nisabho became a monk (via Siddhartha and a doctor in the slums) 0:06:00 Monk Hack #1: The confession practice — what āvikaroti means 0:09:00 Why living in community is the real spiritual practice 0:12:00 How to do a confession practice in your own life 0:16:00 The formula: do you see? I see. Will you show restraint? I will. 0:19:00 Why reaffirming your values regularly works — the car insurance study 0:20:00 The bliss of blamelessness: why ethics and happiness are the same thing 0:23:00 The wellbeing cascade: why happiness leads to concentration, not the other way around 0:31:00 Monk Hack #2: How to give feedback skillfully — the Buddha's own instructions 0:36:00 The BAGEL acronym (and the DONUT you want to avoid) 0:37:00 Stating your intentions before giving feedback 0:39:00 Monk Hack #3: How to receive feedback — suvacha, being easy to speak to 0:43:00 Body, mouth, and mind: practical steps for receiving criticism without reacting 0:47:00 The high bar: not giving rise to ill will even when being sawed limb from limb 0:51:00 The Earth, the river, the sky — similes for a mind that can't be painted on 0:52:00 Monk Hack #4: Navigating troubled times — sila, samadhi, panya 0:54:00 Sila: checking your news consumption and giving before you consume 0:55:00 Samadhi: starting the day with loving-kindness before the mind crystallizes 0:56:00 Panya: a bird's-eye view — things have always been hard, and the saints navigated it 0:57:00 The Saraniya practice: giving before eating 1:01:00 One community member's practice: crouch down, learn their name, touch their hand 1:05:00 Action absorbs anxiety — doing your small part to heal the world 1:08:00 Why you don't need to be suffering to honor the world's suffering 1:09:00 Monk Hack #5: Faith (saddha) — placing the heart consciously 1:11:00 The foundation of Buddhist faith: it is possible to abandon unwholesome states 1:13:00 The bowing practice — and why it's not just for Buddhists 1:16:00 Faith as a working hypothesis, not a leap in the dark 1:19:00 The end of faith: what it looks like when practice becomes direct knowledge #meditation #Buddhism #mindfulness This episode is sponsored by: *LinkedIn Ads*: Reach the right professionals with precision targeting. Spend $250 and get a $250 credit at http://www.linkedin.com/happier *Fast Growing Trees*: America's largest online nursery, with plants guaranteed to arrive healthy. Get 20% off your first purchase with code HAPPIER at https://www.fastgrowingtrees.com *Tonal*: Smart home strength training with real-time coaching. Get $200 off with promo code HAPPIER at https://www.tonal.com *Northwest Registered Agent*: LLC formation, registered agent service, and free business resources at https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/Happier-free