On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Couples often struggle with gaps in their sex drives, but what does a couple do when one person has no desire for sex whatsoever? A married couple comes to Esther with this question: one of them has recently discovered that she's asexual, while the other craves sex as a primary form of connection. Is theirs an irreconcilable difference? Is there hope for their future, or should they accept that divorce is the only option before them? Esther challenges their long-held assumptions about sexuality, and offers a third path forward. Chapters 00:27 What Keeps This Marriage Stuck? 03:04 What Changed When They Became Parents? 04:27 What Does It Mean to Be Asexual? 07:11 How Do You Break a Pattern That Goes Nowhere? 09:13 Why Did She Leave, and Why Did She Come Back? 11:35 Can You Change Your Behavior Without Changing Who You Are? 15:03 What Does It Look Like to Stretch for Your Partner? 19:34 What Happens When Your Words Start Creating More Pressure? 22:09 Is Touch Really the Same as Sex? 23:06 What Did Their Families Teach Them About Affection? 23:52 What Happens When You Grow Up Without Touch? 24:59 Why Is Her Body Always Bracing for Impact? 27:55 Can They Learn to Touch Without Pressure? 31:29 How Do You Stop Saying the Things That Make It Worse? 35:10 What Do You Do With Desire, Grief, and Loss? 38:32 What Kind of Touch Feels Possible? 41:30 Can They Rewrite the Way They Respond to Touch? 47:15 What Does It Mean to Be a Couple With Mixed Orientations? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or join her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content.