Ready to begin or deepen your meditation practice? Join Dan Harris and world-class meditation teachers on the 10% with Dan Harris app here: https://app.danharris.com/membership Today’s guest has a phrase that stopped Dan in his tracks while prepping for this interview: “chasing the illusion of stability.” It explains, roughly, all of Dan’s anxiety — and probably a lot of yours too. Today’s episode is about what to do when you’re forced to accept that permanent stability isn’t actually on the menu, and how to build a life that’s resilient and engaged inside the chaos. Dr. Suzan Song is a Harvard and Stanford-trained psychiatrist and humanitarian aid researcher who has worked with survivors of torture, trafficking, and child soldiering in Sierra Leone, Liberia, and Burundi. Her new book is Why We Suffer and How We Heal. 🗳️ Two free live meditation events this week: – Election Day, Nov 3, 4 PM ET — with Vinny Ferraro and Dan – Day after Election Day, Nov 4, 4 PM ET — with Dan solo Sign up at danharris.com for the Zoom link. In this episode: – “Chasing the illusion of stability” — the hook that opens the whole conversation – Suzan’s own story — the Baltimore attack on her father when she was 15, and the year of memory she lost – Repetition compulsion — how we recreate patterns we swore we’d never recreate – The Burundi scene where Suzan realized she had subconsciously orchestrated violence against herself – Why we do this — the brain as a predictive machine – The design flaw of being human: we live in constant change but want permanence – The Three Friends of Winter — narratives, rituals, purpose (and the Asian art motif they come from) – How to find the subconscious scripts running your life (hint: follow the resentment) – Rewriting the script — plus Herminia Ibarra’s research on managers who couldn’t let go of their old selves – The relational self vs. the individual self (and what Americans miss) – Why memory is reconstruction, not video playback – Selma Fraiberg: “A mother cannot hear her child’s cries until her own are heard first” – The porcupine-quill defense — why we have to validate before we can ask someone to change – Dan on how his wife’s reasonable complaints land on his “I’m a bad person” fear – Why rituals matter so much — and the “ritual deficit” in modern society – Suzan’s own 10-minute reintegration walk between torture-survivor sessions and seeing her kids – Purpose — not a goal, not a passion, but a sense of being needed – Dan’s reflection on how childhood summer-camp trauma shaped his adult community-building – Rethinking resilience — “I’m not resilient. I just didn’t die.” – What’s Good — Suzan’s three-column nightly “emotional GPS,” Dan on the Francis of Delirium record Subscribe to watch more 10% Happier videos: https://www.youtube.com/tenpercenthappier Follow Dan Harris on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/danharris/ https://www.tiktok.com/@danbharris https://www.facebook.com/DanHarrisABC https://twitter.com/danbharris https://www.linkedin.com/in/dan-harris-91ba5716b/ #10PercentHappier #SuzanSong #WhyWeSuffer This episode is brought to you by Warby Parker. Warby Parker makes prescription glasses easy and stylish — shop online with their virtual try-on, or visit a store for an eye exam. Covered by many major eye insurance plans. Buy one pair and get 20% off any additional pairs at https://www.warbyparker.com/happier. This episode is brought to you by Tonal. Tonal is a smart, at-home strength training system with real-time coaching cues and auto-adjusting weight. Get $200 off your Tonal purchase with the promo code HAPPIER at https://www.tonal.com.