What are the things you wish someone told you about being in a long term relationship that absolutely killed your last relationship? Maybe you’re in a new relationship now, and you want to know how to set your relationship up for success to make it last for years and years to come. Although we can agree humans are naturally social creatures, it is damn hard being in a relationship for years with the same person. Personalities change, arguments fester longer than they should, and your partner’s quirky ways that were once cute are suddenly making the hair on your neck stand. Intimacy is hard. Communication gets even harder (probably because most of us suck at it), and yet, there are successful relationships and marriages that inspire us and restore our faith in the possibility of a shared life experience that can be beautiful. Tom and Lisa’s relationship is far from perfection and yet so close relative to who they have grown into as individuals and as life partners. In this episode, get out your notepad or open up your note taking app. The lessons and thoughts they share about their successes and failures through 20 years together are worth holding onto. Relationship Theory with Tom and Lisa Bilyeu encourages healthy, loving, life long relationships. Whether you are fresh out of your last relationship, on a break, taking time to heal from a breakup, or looking for ways to strengthen the romance and bond in your current relationship, Tom and Lisa are sharing their 20 years of experience. They’re taking questions and giving relationship advice that will enhance all of your relationships. SHOW NOTES: 0:00 | Introduction to Finding the Perfect Relationship 0:59 | 3 Surprises of a Long Term Relationship 20:26 | Choose Your Partner Wisely 33:02 | Solution to Mismatched Sex Drive 1:03:20 | Get the Right Amount of Texting 1:14:47 | Don’t Let Fights Go Unresolved 1:37:40 | Address Your Own Insecurities 1:46:20 | Value a Growth Mindset Together QUOTES: “It is 100% important to be selfish, in the sense of taking care of yourself, what makes you happy, so that you can show up to be happy in that relationship.” Lisa Bilyeu [3:49] “When you're arguing you're almost never arguing about the thing you're arguing about, you're actually arguing about something else.” Tom Bilyeu [8:37] “Let go of all expectations and have a couple of really strong ones that you never let go of.” Lisa Bilyeu [16:42] “From the beginning, I think you have to establish communication with your partner, even when you have to say the hard things..” Lisa Bilyeu [29:07] “If you're in a committed loving relationship and you're not thinking about what your partner wants, that is, that is a horsemen of the apocalypse…” Tom Bilyeu [40:06] “I'm never going to feel bad asking for sex, and you should never ever feel bad for saying no, and as long as you never make me feel guilty for asking, I'm certainly not going to make you feel guilty for saying no.” Tom Bilyeu [59:05] “You're never going to deal with something in a calm, rational, compassionate, loving way, and be like, I really wish that I just fucking freaked out.” Tom Bilyeu [1:19:26] “There's a really beautiful surprise that can happen when your goal is sincerely to open the channel of communication.” Tom Bilyeu [1:48:10]