Raised in an intensely devout Mormon household, Justin Shoemaker believed happiness and salvation came from following every rule exactly… until religious scrupulosity and intrusive thoughts sent him into a devastating mental-health crisis on his mission. After returning home, attending BYU-Idaho, rushing into a temple marriage, and later becoming deeply involved in an Amway-associated training organization, Justin began recognizing the same patterns of obedience, shame, and surrendered autonomy repeating throughout his life. Find and support Justin! IG: https://www.instagram.com/jjshoey/ Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/c4ltycot #CashAppPod Code: CASHAPP10 Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Cash App Green features, Savings, Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Chapter Marks 00:00:00 — INTRO: “If I Follow Every Rule…” 00:02:28 — Meet Justin Shoemaker 00:03:41 — Strict rule following in chiIdhood 00:04:44 — Growing Up EXTREMELY Mormon 00:11:00 — Teenage Rebellion & Mormon Guilt 00:18:00 — Religious OCD / Scrupulosity 00:18:25 — CW: Su*cidal Ideation, Developing scrupulosity 00:21:00 — His Mission Takes a Dark Turn 00:24:22 — Returning early from a Mormon mission 00:27:00 — The Rules of Mormon Missionary Life 00:30:30 — Coming Home & Trying to Get Help (Mental health journey & BYU-Idaho) 00:37:45 — BYU-Idaho & Black-and-White Thinking 00:40:46 — Intimacy issues in marriage 00:42:00 — Marriage, S*x & Mormon Purity Culture 00:46:42 — Taking s*x off the table & being called into a bishopric 00:49:00 — Learning to Trust His Own Intuition 00:53:30 — Finally Understanding His Intrusive Thoughts 00:57:30 — Enter Amway & World Wide Dream Builders 01:04:30 — “I Don't Feel Like a Person Anymore” 01:06:01 — Divorce & leaving the church 01:08:25 — What If Mormonism Isn't True? 01:10:35 — Marriage After Leaving Mormonism 01:16:30 — Life After High-Control Systems 01:20:47 — Final thoughts & Linda listen: Justin's Biggest Lesson 01:22:14 — Where Justin Is Now Subscribe to our C2C "CLIPS" Channel! https://www.youtube.com/@CultstoConsciousnessClips Support C2C - Any donations are welcome and appreciated to support the making of this podcast. Find our FULL (uncensored) merch store here! https://cults-to-consciousness-shop.fourthwall.com/en-usd Patreon https://www.patreon.com/cultstoconsciousness Venmo @sheliseann Find us on Social media! Instagram @cultstoconsciousness https://www.instagram.com/cultstoconsciousness Host Instagram @sheliseann https://www.instagram.com/sheliseann/ Co Producer / Host @jonathan.rosales_ https://www.instagram.com/jonathan.rosales_ TikTok @cults.to.consciousness https://www.tiktok.com/@cults.to.consciousness Twitter @cultstocon https://twitter.com/cultstocon **Disclaimer: Thanks for joining us at Cults to Consciousness. This storytelling podcast is meant to be for entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for medical advice. We may discuss triggering topics and we ask that you make your personal mental health a priority. This podcast provides a platform for guests to share their personal experiences and opinions. The views expressed are solely those of the guest and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or producers. Any allegations discussed are unverified and represent personal accounts only. All individuals mentioned are presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. The podcast assumes no legal responsibility for statements made by guests.**