Content Warning: Discussion of suicide and suicidal ideation. In this episode of Mormon Stories, Gustavo Hernandez from Mexico City shares his experience growing up Mormon in Mexico, discovering difficult church history as a teenager, and ultimately choosing to remain an active, believing member of the Church while navigating doubt, anxiety, and faith crises. Gustavo opens up about the shame culture surrounding worthiness, pornography confessions, and perfectionism in Mormonism –including how teachings from leaders like Spencer W. Kimball deeply affected his mental health as a young teen. He discusses experiencing panic attacks, existential dread, and suicidal thoughts while trying to reconcile faith, church history, and his desire to feel accepted by God. Along the way, Gustavo encountered the CES Letter, Mormon Stories, exMormon Reddit, temple controversies, Joseph Smith’s polygamy, the priesthood ban, Freemasonry, and multiple First Vision accounts. Despite everything, he chose to stay active in the Church, serve a mission in Guatemala, and eventually became an institute teacher in Mexico. The interview includes topics like what it’s like being Mormon in Mexico, growing up in a predominantly Catholic culture, p*rnography shame and bishop interviews, faith crisis as a fourteen year old boy, the CES Letter and apologetics, mission burnout, mental health and suicidal ideation, remaining active after losing certainly, as well as current beliefs about Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, polygamy, and LGBTQ issues. Whether you agree with Gustavo’s conclusions or not, his story offers an honest and nuanced look at faith, doubt, mental health, and what it means to stay. Show notes can be found on the Mormon Stories blog here: https://www.mormonstories.org/teen-stays-faithful-after-ces-letter-and-mormon-stories-podcast/ Timecodes: 00:00:00 - Introduction 00:05:48 - The beginning of his Mexican Mormon Story 00:12:30 - Mormon childhood in Mexico 00:30:49 - Adolescent years 00:42:08 - Feeling shame 00:49:26 - Confessing to the bishop 01:03:42 - Passing the sacrament again 01:06:06 - Fear of eternal existence 01:12:14 - Faith crisis at fourteen 01:30:44 - Beliefs evaporate 01:37:43 - Reading the Book of Mormon 01:48:37 - Deciding to stay Mormon 01:57:57 - Mission papers 02:01:40 - Temple experience 02:17:34 - New Calling in Tijuana 02:25:19 - Asking to go home early 02:27:32 - Getting married 02:36:43 - Mental health declined 02:39:43 - Suicidal ideation 02:43:51 - Finding balance 02:48:49 - Called as Institute teacher 02:53:06 - Current beliefs 03:01:37 - Beliefs in Book of Mormon 03:05:50 - Other beliefs 03:16:49 - Lamanite heritage 03:25:13 - Could he be in trouble for this? 03:27:12 - Closing remarks ___________________ At Mormon Stories we explore, celebrate, and challenge Mormon culture through in-depth stories told by members and former members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well as scholars, authors, LDS apologists, and other professionals. Our overall mission is to: 1. Facilitate informed consent amongst LDS Church members, investigators, and non-members regarding Mormon history, doctrine, and theology 2. Support Mormons (and members of other high-demand religions) who are experiencing a religious faith crisis 3. Promote healing, growth and community for those who choose to leave the LDS Church or other high demand religions 🤝Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today One-time or recurring donations: https://donorbox.org/mormon-stories?default_interval=m Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mormonstories Venmo: https://account.venmo.com/u/mormonstories Paypal: https://paypal.me/mormonstories Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx6OgmoqJbOVRq-Lv1P7SzA/join Our Platforms: 🌐Mormon Stories Blog: https://www.mormonstories.org/episodes 🎙️Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mormonstories ✳️Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4sDzk7dRjODTSEqzZKZJzk?si=148b0efc1ccc4404&nd=1 🍎Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mormon-stories-lds/id312094772 🖼️Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mormstories 📱TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mormonstoriespodcast 🎮Discord: https://discord.com/invite/kuX5p6yyjF Contact us: 📧 MormonStories@gmail.com 📬PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117