Ready to begin or deepen your meditation practice? Join Dan Harris and world-class meditation teachers on the 10% with Dan Harris app here: https://app.danharris.com/membership After 28 years of happiness research, psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky made a startling discovery: nearly every practice that makes people happier works for the same reason: because it makes us feel more connected and more loved. In this conversation, Sonja and relationship scientist Harry Reis share the research-backed strategies from their new book, "How to Feel Loved." You'll learn: - Why feeling loved matters more than being loved - The five research-backed mindsets that create deeper connection - How to transform any conversation into one where both people feel seen - Why you don't need to change yourself or others—just the conversation - The surprising link between acts of kindness and gene expression - How to tell if someone is really listening (and how to listen better yourself) This isn't generic relationship advice. It's decades of rigorous science translated into practical tools you can use today. About Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis: Sonja Lyubomirsky is a psychology professor at UC Riverside and bestselling author of "The How of Happiness." Harry Reis is a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester and one of the world's leading relationship researchers. Time stamps: 0:00 Introduction 1:00 What does "feeling loved" actually mean? 2:30 The surprising connection between happiness and relationships 5:00 The upward spiral: How self-love and connection reinforce each other 7:30 The loneliness epidemic and what actually works 9:00 Why feeling loved is the key to happiness 11:00 The Relationship Seesaw: How lifting others lifts you 13:30 Lowering your walls without trauma dumping 15:30 The power of reciprocity in relationships 18:00 Why you can't fake curiosity (and what to do instead) 24:00 How to be vulnerable without oversharing 26:00 The Listening to Learn mindset 30:00 Radical Curiosity: Beyond just listening 34:30 The research on sharing happiness (and why it doubles) 38:00 The Multiplicity Mindset: Seeing people's complexity 43:00 Forgiveness vs. excusing vs. forgetting 47:00 Applying these mindsets in different relationships 51:00 The biggest barriers to feeling loved 53:30 When relationships aren't working: Diagnostic tools 56:30 What to do when you're doing all the lifting 1:00:00 The surprising link between acts of kindness and gene expression 1:02:00 AI companions and chatbots: Can they make us feel loved? 1:05:00 Why most relationship problems are really about not feeling loved 1:07:00 How to tell your partner you need to feel more loved 1:07:30 Book details and free quiz LinkedIn: Spend $250 on your first campaign on LinkedIn ads and get a $250 credit for the next one. Just go to http://www.linkedin.com/happier. Leesa: Go to http://www.leesa.com for 25% off mattresses, plus get an extra $50 off with the promo code Happier, exclusive for our listeners. ZipRecruiter: To try ZipRecruiter for free, go to http://www.ZipRecruiter.com/tenpercent. FitBod: Get 25% off your subscription or try the app free for seven days at http://www.fitbod.me/tenpercent.