Research in relationship science reveals that common assumptions about gender differences in preferences, such as the importance of ambition or earning potential, do not hold up to actual behavioral d

“But when we sent them speed dating, what you saw was like, oh, ambition is a mild aphrodisiac. They like the ambitious guys more than the non- ambitious guys, but the men like the ambitious women a little bit more than the unambitious women. And there was no gender differences.”

The long-term sustainability of a relationship is built more upon emotional connection and familiarity than on constant novelty.

“the research shows that the familiarity the emotional connection really knowing your partner creates in the long run much more passion what much better sex actually than maintaining mystery”

Relationships are healthier when partners avoid excessive expectations of perfection and instead use the relationship as a space for growth and mutual support.

“The relationship should be the vessel with which we make mistakes which we explore the world. We try new things with someone else with the safety and comfort and partnership of another person.”

Happiness practices, such as gratitude or acts of kindness, primarily function by fostering a sense of connection and being loved.

“And after 28 years basically of doing this this work, it hit me one day that almost all of the interventions that work to make people happier. The reason they work is they make us feel more connected and more loved.”

The primary way to foster love in a relationship is through a back-and-forth cycle of lifting the other person up, which in turn leads them to lift you up.

“The idea of the seessaw is that you can begin the process by lifting the other person up. Now, what do we mean by lifting the other person up? We mean elevating their sense of self, elevating parts of them that they normally would keep hidden”