Ready to begin or deepen your meditation practice? Join Dan Harris and world-class meditation teachers on the 10% with Dan Harris app here: https://app.danharris.com/membership Welcome back to Sanely Ambitious. Today’s returning guest — his sixth appearance — is one of the most prolific social scientists of our time, and he’s out with his most personal book yet. It’s a direct, practical, myth-busting guide to how human connection actually works, how to make and keep it, and how to tell the difference between an awkward moment and a damaged relationship. Adam Grant is an organizational psychologist and professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. He’s written many bestselling books. His newest is Vibe: The Secrets of Strong Connections in a Lonely World. In this episode: – Why Adam calls Vibe his most personal book (and the Dan feedback that pushed him there) – “Mr. Facts” — Adam the shy, know-it-all kid who was literally not fun to be around – Awkwardness doesn’t ruin relationships — Adam’s own version of self-compassion for social interaction – How to recover from a cringe interaction (hint: name it with the person) – The “wait, are we friends?” moment that reshaped how Adam thinks about relationships – Why male friendship is uniquely hard — and why the loneliness crisis is hitting young men hardest – Adam’s 4-part framework: Associates, Allies, Pals, and Companions – Why you need a MIX of all three for optimal wellbeing (and the pitfall of asking one person to be all of them) – How to tell if you’re missing pals, allies, or companions in your current life – Dan’s dad dinners and Buddhist dinners — and “bounded vulnerability” as the move – Three ways to deepen connection — share something, ask something, share an intense experience – Why haunted houses build friendship (and why karaoke works too) – Dan’s annual silent meditation retreat with two friends — intimacy without talking – Adam’s gentle challenge to Dan: do relationships have to earn their keep by boosting your wellbeing? – Shelley Taylor’s “tend and befriend” research — and why men would do well to borrow this response – Why trigonometry should be replaced in schools by social-emotional learning (both guys hate trig) – Myth: “Agreeing to disagree is how you resolve conflict” (mostly wrong, and here’s why) – The kids-fighting-while-smiling rule Adam uses at home – How to give feedback without blowing up the relationship – Dan’s “go off and get shot at” boss story – Bob Burg: “People who take pride in being brutally honest are usually just interested in being brutal” – Myth: Never go to bed angry (Adam: terrible advice) – Myth: Takes a long time to develop close relationships (the war-veterans data says otherwise) – Myth: Good teamwork requires everyone in the office together (Atlassian’s data debunks this) – Why intensity beats frequency — the case for the quarterly offsite – Myth: You need to like your colleagues to work well with them (SWAT team research says no) – Dan tries to figure out which bucket he and Adam fit in (and gets corrected) Adam’s “Vibe Quiz” (allies, pals, or companions — what’s missing from your web?) is at https://www.adamgrant.net. Subscribe to watch more 10% Happier videos: https://www.youtube.com/tenpercenthappier Follow Dan Harris on Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/danharris/ https://www.tiktok.com/@danbharris https://www.facebook.com/DanHarrisABC https://twitter.com/danbharris https://www.linkedin.com/in/dan-harris-91ba5716b/ #10PercentHappier #AdamGrant #Vibe This episode is sponsored by: Giving Done Right: If you want your giving to feel intentional and truly meaningful, check out Giving Done Right wherever you listen to podcasts. Rosetta Stone: 10% Happier listeners can get 20% off their Rosetta Stone Sapphire subscription when they sign up today. Gusto: Try Gusto today at gusto.com/HAPPIER, and get three months free when you run your first payroll.