Parents negatively impact their children by dismissing their emotions or instructing them to suppress their feelings instead of validating their experiences.

“when you said don't cry you're a big girl now that didn't hurt stop making a fuss what you're saying is don't feel your feelings swallow them push them down pretend you're okay put on a happy face”

Parents should let go of shame because their job is to be present for their child rather than to fix all their problems.

“I think that shame is from thinking like I wasn't there enough there's shame in not being able to fix whatever your child's going through and what I hope everybody like gets from certainly this conversation is that our job is not to fix it's to be there”

Parents should avoid talking children out of their feelings, as this prevents people from learning how to access and process their emotions in adulthood.

“So, you know, a kid says, "I'm angry about that." And we say, "Really? You're so sensitive." Or we say, you know, or or they say, "I'm sad." And we say, "Oh, you know, well, here's a balloon. You know, let's go to Disneyland." Right? We try We try to like sort of talk them out of it”

Parents in crisis must prioritize emotional regulation, protect children from propaganda, and restore their children's sense of agency through choice and checklists.

“We make sure we are regulated, right? And you said you're developing that muscle. You try to protect them from the propaganda and the news of culture and the trauma that culture loves to perpetuate so it can justify its own actions. You protect them. You try to provide an alternative viewpoint.”

Parents should prioritize connecting with their teenagers over controlling them by understanding the underlying motivations behind their behavior.

“The thing that Well, as a background, I see teenagers in therapy and I also do parent coaching. So, I get to see both perspectives. And what teenagers tell me the most is parents don't seek to understand them.”

Parents should allow their children the freedom to fail and grow rather than constantly micromanaging their lives.

“And when you learn to start saying, especially with your adult kids, let them. Let them learn the lessons they need to learn. Let them struggle. Let them be who they're going to be.”

Parents should act as coaches who observe and offer advice but do not interfere or intervene directly in their child's social or personal conflicts.

“when you have a kid you are a coach and coaches never play in the game they can give advice and they can watch but they cannot get on the field”

Teenagers should be encouraged to persist through uncomfortable situations like their first year of college instead of being rescued.

“if you always allow your kid to bounce from a situation that makes them uncomfortable their anxiety increases”