He thinks that giving money is a superior alternative to giving candy for Halloween.

“money is better than candy I'll tell you that right now cuz money gets you candy dude”

Exchanging Halloween candy for toys at the dentist is a satanic and anti-American practice.

“So I took our kids to the dentist a little while ago and they're like, "Hey, you can bring back your Halloween candy and exchange it for toys. We have a program where you can exchange the candy for toys." And I was like, "What kind of [ __ ] satanic, demonic, anti-Christian, anti-American communist ”

The Captain asserts that the only appropriate time to celebrate the existence of monsters is when they have been defeated and justice has prevailed.

“While we will be celebrating together in the garage for Halloween, we know the only time to celebrate the monsters is when they are defeated and when good triumphs over evil.”