There’s nothing black and white about cheating. Sometimes it could be as simple as a text. Sometimes it could be an ‘emotional dependency’ where there is absolutely no physical involvement, but a certain kind of attachment that can leave your partner feeling irrelevant. Sometimes it is a repeated choices - knowing something hurts your partner deeply, but continuing to do it. And sometimes it can also be the belief that if your partner never finds out, it doesn’t really count. And neither can you rank cheating. A one-night stand is NOT “better” than emotional involvement. Betrayal does not work on a points system. When you are on the receiving end, it all hurts. Also none of this automatically means you don’t love your partner or don’t find them attractive. The human brain is driven by many things - validation, novelty, escape, entitlement, fear - and not all of them are about the relationship itself. Dr. Madan-Bahel and I found ourselves saying cheating is about crossing that line of whatever you have ‘negotiated for’ - but what does that actually mean, and who decided where that line was?