Chris Voss is a former FBI lead kidnapping negotiator, bestselling author of Never Split The Difference, and founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group; a negotiation, training, coaching, and consulting organization that teaches people how to achieve better outcomes in high-stakes conversations. Today, he teaches some of these same skills to parents, and it turns out the thing that gets a hostage-taker to put down a weapon isn't that different from what gets your eight-year-old to put down the tablet. Obviously, kids aren't actual hostage-takers, but in this conversation, Chris and Dr. Becky get into why kids saying "no" is actually a sign of a healthy nervous system, not defiance. Why "how was your day" always gets you "fine," and the one-word fix that doesn't. Why asking your kid "why" almost always backfires, and what to ask instead. And the reframe Chris uses with his own team to get a reluctant partner, coworker, or teenager to actually engage: "are you against this?" Chapters 0:00 – Intro: when your kid says no 1:39 – Why "no" makes kids feel safe, not defiant 8:28 – "How" and "what" questions get kids thinking, not orders 13:24 – Mirroring 101: the tool that reopens conversation 15:26 – Fixing the "How was your day?" / "Fine." loop 21:31 – Mirroring an escalated "I hate you" 24:11 – The "before I disagree" cheat code 27:00 – "You're right" vs. "That's right" 34:01 – Why "why" backfires, and what to ask instead 39:44 – Nothing works all the time; you need what works most 44:08 – The power of a real apology 46:08 – Does repairing cost you your authority? 47:33 – The deepest question under every tantrum: "Am I real?" 51:48 – Getting a reluctant partner on board: "Are you against this?" Chris Voss is a former FBI lead kidnapping negotiator, bestselling author of Never Split The Difference, and founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group; a negotiation, training, coaching, and consulting organization that teaches people how to achieve better outcomes in high-stakes conversations. Recognized globally as a leading authority on negotiation, Chris developed his approach through decades of experience in crisis negotiation. Today, he and The Black Swan Group apply those principles to business, sales, leadership, difficult conversations, and high-stakes communication through The Black Swan Method® and Tactical Empathy®. Never Split The Difference has introduced millions of readers around the world to Chris's negotiation methodology. Through The Black Swan Group, Chris and his team help people go beyond understanding the concepts in the book and develop negotiation as a practical, repeatable performance skill through training, coaching, practice, and live experiences. The Black Swan Group offers in-person negotiation training, live and self-paced online negotiation training, coaching, keynote speaking, and advanced negotiation experiences for business owners, leaders, sales professionals, and other professionals who want to become more effective dealmakers. Want more support navigating the moments that test you as a parent? Good Inside gives you the tools and community for that: https://www.goodinside.com Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible: Frida: Shop Frida at Amazon, Target, and Walmart today Airbnb: Host your home or book your next stay on Airbnb SmartyPants: Shop SmartyPants Vitamins at Target, Walmart, or Amazon today Care.com: For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a Care.com Premium Membership.* Offer applies to initial term of Care.com membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. Care.com does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit www.care.com/safety. #goodinside #drbecky #chrisvoss #parenting #negotiation #communication