In this episode my guest is Dr. David Buss, Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and one of the founding members of the field of evolutionary psychology. Dr. Buss describes his work on how people select mates for short- and long-term relationships, the dynamics of human courtship and mate value assessment — meaning how people measure up as potential partners. We also discuss the causes of infidelity and differences in infidelity between men and women. He explains how people evaluate and try to alter other people’s mate value as a means to secure and even poach mates. We discuss monogamous and non-monogamous relationships in humans and what Dr. Buss calls “the dark triad” — features common in stalkers and narcissists that relate to sexual and psychological violence in relationships. This episode is sure to interest anyone who is single or in a relationship and wants to understand how people select mates, as well as anyone interested in forming and maintaining healthy romantic partnerships. For an up-to-date list of our current sponsors, please visit our website: https://www.hubermanlab.com/sponsors. Previous sponsors mentioned in this podcast episode may no longer be affiliated with us. Social: Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/hubermanlab Twitter - https://twitter.com/hubermanlab Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/hubermanlab Website - https://hubermanlab.com Newsletter - https://hubermanlab.com/neural-network Links: Dr. Buss' New Book "When Men Behave Badly" - https://amzn.to/3FThTsG Dr. Buss' Website at University of Texas, Austin - https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/david-buss/ Dr. Buss' Twitter - https://twitter.com/ProfDavidBuss Timestamps: 00:00:00 Introducing Dr. David Buss 00:04:10 Sponsors: ROKA, InsideTracker, Headspace 00:08:33 Choosing a Mate 00:13:40 Long Term Mates: Universal Desires 00:18:31 What Women & Men Seek in Long-Term Mates 00:25:10 Age Differences & Mating History 00:32:20 Deception in Courtship 00:37:30 Emotional Stability 00:38:40 Lying About Long-Term Interest 00:41:56 Short-Term Mating Criteria, Sliding Standards & Context Effects 00:46:25 Sexual Infidelity: Variety Seeking & (Un)happiness & Mate Switching 00:54:25 Genetic Cuckolds, How Ovulation Impacts Mate Preference 00:57:00 Long-Term vs. Short-Term Cheating, Concealment 00:59:15 Emotional & Financial Infidelity 01:04:35 Contraception 01:06:22 Status & Mating Success 01:10:10 Jealousy, Mate Value Discrepancies, Vigilance, Violence 01:24:13 Specificity of Intimate Partner Violence 01:25:12 Mate Retention Tactics: Denigration, Guilt, Etc. 01:27:33 Narcissism, Machiavellianism, Psychopathy 01:33:25 Stalking 01:39:15 Influence of Children on Mate Value Assessments 01:43:24 Attachment Styles, Mate Choice & Infidelity 01:46:40 Non-Monogamy, Unconventional Relationships 01:54:00 Mate Value Self Evaluation, Anxiety About the Truth 02:02:12 Self Deception 02:05:35 The Future of Evolutionary Psychology & Neuroscience 02:06:56 Books: When Men Behave Badly; The Evolution of Desire, Textbooks 02:10:42 Concluding Statements, Zero-Cost Support: Subscribe, Sponsors, Patreon, Thorne Please note that The Huberman Lab Podcast is distinct from Dr. Huberman's teaching and research roles at Stanford University School of Medicine. The information provided in this show is not medical advice, nor should it be taken or applied as a replacement for medical advice. The Huberman Lab Podcast, its employees, guests and affiliates assume no liability for the application of the information discussed. Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac - https://www.blabacphoto.com Audio Engineering: Joel Hatstat at High Jump Media