People-pleasing is an impossible pursuit because it is impossible to fully please another person, and it often leads to enabling bad behavior.

“I think that I stopped people pleasing when I realized that there was nothing I could possibly do to actually please someone fully. That there'd always be some gap, some blemish, some mistake, even if I tried with the deepest, purest intention.”

Relying on external approval for happiness makes one vulnerable and it is necessary to stop prioritizing the expectations of others.

“If your happiness depends on the actions of others, you know, you're at mercy of things that you can't control.”

People-pleasing is actually a form of manipulation used to get others to like you.

“People pleasing is actually manipulation. You're manipulating people so they like you.”

People-pleasing is fundamentally about optic management and prioritizing the needs of others over one's own at the cost of personal authenticity.

“people pleasing isn't about us it's about optic management it's about how other people see us it's about prioritizing their needs over ours”

People-pleasing is a maladaptive strategy rooted in a desire to manage anxiety and shame, which sabotages a man's ability to live authentically or achieve his full potential.

“core tendency is often people pleasing seeking external validation and and for men usually that seeking validation from women”

Dr. Gabor Maté suggests that people-pleasing behavior often stems from childhood trauma and can be a precursor to disease.

“People pleasers, these are the people that tend to develop diseases. When people don't know how to say no, the body will say no for them.”

People-pleasing is a behavioral coping mechanism stemming from a subconscious desire to feel safe and belong by prioritizing others' needs over one's own.

“the way I think of people pleasing is it's a behavior that we use in order to feel safe and belong”

People-pleasing behavior often stems from an early effort to earn approval and attachment from a primary caregiver.

“Whatever we did to earn her approval is who we become.”

People-pleasing is often a mislabeling of the fawn response, which is an unconscious survival mechanism driven by the body's need for safety rather than a conscious, rational choice.

“these behaviors of fawning for a long time, but kind of couch them in the language of people pleasing or even codependency. And these imply conscious choice. they uh imply a rational decision to do these things. And yet the body will lean into the response that it believes will have the most success”