Whitney defines codependency as an addiction to controlling the perceptions and behaviors of others, often to satisfy a need for external validation or security.

“my specific codependence came from at an early age feeling like I need to take care of the feelings of the adults of I need to behave a certain way to get someone to act like this ultimately it is um the same way an alcoholic you know is alcohol makes their life unmanageable right”

Codependency often manifests as a transactional view of love where a person attempts to earn worth through service and caregiving.

“that's driven by this notion that love is transactional and needs to be earned through achievement and you know approval and accolades and all that kind of stuff”

Relationships are often built on codependent fulfillment because broken individuals attempt to use others to fill their own internal voids.

“So, relationships are built on codependent fulfillment. So, I'm missing something critical in my life. I need attention. I need validation. I need somebody to help me pay my rent, and you need companionship, or you need somebody to stroke your ego”

Codependency and love addiction involve abandoning oneself to make another person the source of one's security and validation.

“Handing over of the power of your own life force to pour into somebody else is what I used to call love.”

Codependency is linked to fusion, where individuals struggle to separate their own emotional state from that of their partner.

“That's where codependency comes in a lot of the times. When I was with my ex, the the biggie, right? The one that was from a few episodes ago. I if if he was in a bad mood, I was in a bad mood. If he was in a good mood, I was in a good mood.”

High-functioning individuals often engage in codependent behavior by over-functioning, which inadvertently stifles the competence and spirit of their partners.

“I think highly functional women like you and so many of us out there, we think that that is our way of loving. We think that is our way of creating security and worth and presence. And it is. But I think when we don't check it, we don't give that space”

Codependency is a pervasive way of relating where individuals rely on others to self-soothe because they have not been taught the tools to manage their own inner angst.

“In the third part of the book, I really talk about how we are a codependent society. It is the way we have been taught that love should look like, feel like, smell like, taste like, right? And and really what this is is I have to use someone outside of me, right? In order to self soo”