If a man is most excited about sex with a trans woman but “loves” and wants to marry a cisgender woman, what does that actually mean for the relationship? What happens to his desires? Can they really ‘disappear’ because he chooses to enter a conventional married life? What if that desire returns a few years down the line, when you already have family together? Would it lead to cheating, porn dependency, hidden lives and escorts or possibly emotional withdrawal? And the hardest question - how would you feel knowing that your partner can only truly be turned on by someone you can never be? More and more people are writing to me about their fantasy of with sex with a trans woman. And although I have addressed two questions around this in my book as well, it is still a conversation that carries so much secrecy, confusion, shame and contradiction that I feel there is still so much more to unpack. So in this podcast, I speak to Dr. Anvita Madan-Bahel about this fantasy that so many men seem to carry around trans women. Is this simply a fetish or is there a deeper psychological or emotional desire underneath it that we still do not fully understand? Or are there simply more opportunities now because dating apps and online spaces have made access easier? And perhaps the most complicated part, that although this is the “sex” that most excites them, they still want a very traditional marriage with a cisgender woman, children, and a socially conventional life. What is the cost of choosing marriage based on social expectation and maybe also emotional compatibility while their erotic lives are operating somewhere completely different. And how do we deal with all this?