A happy relationship requires consistent, small, proactive investments of time and connection rather than passive assumptions.

“it's lots of little choices that you make along the way and consistency and no single raindrops responsible for the flood, you know, and I think it's really just about like how do we how do we really stay present in cultivating what's important to us long term?”

The primary way to foster love in a relationship is through a back-and-forth cycle of lifting the other person up, which in turn leads them to lift you up.

“The idea of the seessaw is that you can begin the process by lifting the other person up. Now, what do we mean by lifting the other person up? We mean elevating their sense of self, elevating parts of them that they normally would keep hidden”

The long-term sustainability of a relationship is built more upon emotional connection and familiarity than on constant novelty.

“the research shows that the familiarity the emotional connection really knowing your partner creates in the long run much more passion what much better sex actually than maintaining mystery”

The true mechanism of a relationship is mediated by how people show up and their emotional state during disagreements.

“But ultimately everybody's experience of their relationship is how they show up, how consciously they are, what the sort of commitments and agreements are that they make like what what are the nuts and bolts and the the mechanism through which their entire relationship is mediated”

He views a successful, lasting relationship as one where partners must actively collaborate to survive and care for each other like passengers on a sinking boat.

“friendship is like a big boat and you're both on it and don't sink the boat because there's only one life vest”

The inability to take care of oneself prevents a person from effectively caring for others in a relationship.

“The lesson is not about my like the lesson is not about is am I a good person, is am I a bad person, should we comment on my I think the lesson ultimately at the end is just like you just have to take care of yourself otherwise you just cannot take care of anyone else.”

A secure relationship with oneself, developed by rewiring insecure subconscious patterns, is the most important factor in dating and maintaining healthy long-term connections.

“the most important thing you're ever going to do is learn to have a secure relationship with yourself first. And that's going to be through rewiring these insecure patterns.”

Overthinking happens when a person uses a reactive perspective to process information while their nervous system is in a state of stress.

“So, overthinking is your nervous system kind of taking this reactive perspective to information. So, when this occurs, like the the science of how it happens versus the science of what is happening are two different things.”

Romantic partners should be able to tolerate unpleasant personality traits in one another rather than expecting perfection.

“you don't have to like everything about your partner but you might have to tolerate certain things and that's okay because they might have to tolerate certain things about you”

Relationships are healthier when partners avoid excessive expectations of perfection and instead use the relationship as a space for growth and mutual support.

“The relationship should be the vessel with which we make mistakes which we explore the world. We try new things with someone else with the safety and comfort and partnership of another person.”