Become a Big Think member to unlock expert classes, premium print issues, exclusive events and more: https://bigthink.com/membership/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=yt_desc Subscribe to Big Think on YouTube ► https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvQECJukTDE2i6aCoMnS-Vg?sub_confirmation=1 Up next, The science of sex, love, and attachment | Dr. Helen Fisher: Full Interview ► https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORAaaBevtT4 We want to believe that love is guided by instinct, and that following our heart will lead us to our ideal soulmate. Alain de Botton argues that our romantic lives are shaped more by the emotional patterns we learned in childhood than by destiny. 0:14 Chapter 1: Our destructive romantic culture 1:42 How romanticism reshaped love 7:17 The cultural myths that sabotage love 10:02 Chapter 2: Lessons on love from psychotherapy 11:20 What childhood teaches us about love 14:20 Attachment theory and early separation 17:25 When familiarity matters more than happiness 24:40 Chapter 3: The playbook for a successful relationship 26:41 How are you crazy? 29:24 What therapy makes possible 34:41 Why you will marry the wrong person 42:33 Social media and the blame reflex 47:25 Chapter 4: Overcoming status anxiety and loneliness 49:00 Status anxiety in a secular age 50:30 The lost safety valves of older societies 52:31 The need for secular temples 55:02 Love as the bridge out of isolation Read the video transcript ► https://bigthink.com/series/full-interview/why-healthy-love-feels-uncomfortable/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=video&utm_campaign=youtube_description © Freethink Media Inc., All Rights Reserved. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Go Deeper with Big Think: ►Become a Big Think Youtube Member Get exclusive classes and early, ad-free access to new releases without leaving Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/@bigthink/membership/ ►Become a Big Think Web Member Get the entire Big Think Class library, premium print issues, live events, and more. https://bigthink.com/membership/ ►Subscribe to Big Think on Substack Get all of your favorite Big Think content delivered to your inbox. https://bigthinkmedia.substack.com/subscribe/ ►Listen to Big Think Interviews on Spotify Insights from the world's biggest thinkers, now as a podcast https://open.spotify.com/show/7KRYoRD1NdF2aoQcBMyPlb ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- About Alain de Botton: Alain de Botton was born in Zurich, Switzerland in 1969 and now lives in London. He is a writer of essayistic books that have been described as a 'philosophy of everyday life.' He’s written on love, travel, architecture and literature. His books have been bestsellers in 30 countries. Alain also started and helps to run a school in London called The School of Life, dedicated to a new vision of education. Alain's latest book is titled Religion for Atheists and is published in the Netherlands, Italy, Korea, Turkey and Brazil in 2011 and in the UK, US and other territories in 2012. Alain started writing at a young age. His first book, Essays in Love [titled On Love in the US], was published when he was twenty-three.